|
MAIN
 Holidays
 Valentine's
Day
e-Matchmaking:
Can a Computer Program
Find Love For You?
I logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by
a large, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time
to answer a series of questions that they would find a "perfect
match" for me. Imagine that? All the work and worry of being single
- gone! We truly have evolved! Not only can computer programs
manage the entire traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters
cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right to my doorstep.
I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled.
The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a "computer
personality test" of some sort. Websites claim that these tests,
usually developed by a "top psychologist", have the ability to
understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused?
Lost in love? Problems communicating? Don't worry, the Online
Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you're done,
this computer program will know your needs and desires better
than you do.
Remember the Broadway play “Fiddler on The Roof”? You
might not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was
seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was
“matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…” The
song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight
to the altar; someone beautiful, rich, intelligent, and perfect.
But by the
end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might
not be up to the task. She decides that “playing with matches,
a girl can get burned.”
So, do these
tests really work?
Personality
tests have a long history. Really, really smart guys with names
like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological
theories, and these theories are used as the basis for all types
of tests. “The Big Five” theory suggests that there
are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness,
extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality
tests use this as a foundation. Others go the “Big Three”
route, which does away with the “openness” and “agreeableness”
dimensions - mostly because it’s easier to remember.
I joke a little
about these theories, but the truth is that they’ve survived
the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind
them. The real question is if these tests can be effective in
applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this
the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally
complex person. That’s a tall order.
People have
impulsive behavior that simply can’t be measured when they’re
sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests.
Often our answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves.
Even if we are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior
in real-life situations can be far different than we’d expect.
Another wildcard
is attraction. We can meet someone who’s empirically good-looking,
has a similar background, is kind and successful – and yet
we’re not attracted. Often we can’t explain why we like
another person. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile
– even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable
on their own can collectively make us attracted.
Human beings
and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a computer
program can’t solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As
Jung put it, “the meeting of two personalities is like the
contact of two chemical substances; if there is a reaction both
are transformed”. It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging
his bet when it comes to love. What will cause two individuals
to react to each other? Even the developers of the study of personality
would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.
If you rely
solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire beauty
of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers
you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people.
It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going
to a quality dating site that isn’t trying to sell you fantasy
of finding your match for you will mean you will have a pool of
millions of singles to meet.
Treat matchmaking
options as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an
ice breaker to start a conversation, but don’t expect them
to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options
open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You need
to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both
online and offline dating skills is the best way to find the right
relationship.
Next time
you’re brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See
that amazing person? That’s your matchmaker with a mouthful
of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy
dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both
good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right person
for you.
About
the Author...
Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship
Coach,Life-Coach, radio host, columnist, and the developer of
ToolsToLife.com.
Also see -> Cyberculture
Online
Dating
also see-> Shopping:
Fashion & Clothing Guide
|
More
Valentine's Day Ideas