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The
best dating strategies?
The old fashioned ways
still work best...
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Many singles
pursue relationship coaching to learn dating strategies and receive
the guidance they need to be successful. Here, I will share my
list of ten strategies for successful dating.
You may find
these strategies old-fashioned or counterintuitive. But they work.
If you date
in order to find a long-term relationship, these strategies will
help you meet the love of your life and settle down into a long-term,
satisfying relationship.
If you are
already in a relationship, many of these strategies can put a
spark back into your relationship.
Here are my
ten strategies for successful dating:
1. If you
are a woman who generally pursues men first, stop and allow men
to pursue you. If you are a man who waits for women to ask you
out, take the first step and ask them out instead. A woman pursuing
a man sets up an uncomfortable power dynamic that is difficult
to change later.
2. Stay away
from verbal foreplay early on in the relationship. Engage in sexual-type
talk only after you know each other well, at least a few months
into the relationship. These types of conversations can become
the central focus of your interactions, making it harder to experience
other parts of your relationship.
3. Don't have
a sexual relationship until you are committed to and love each
other. This may seem old fashioned; however, relationships are
partnerships. Although sexuality is a part of a relationship,
it is not a good foundation on which to build a relationship.
If you build your relationship on sex, it will most likely fall
like a house of cards.
4. Limit your
time together in the beginning. See or be on the phone with each
other in moderation. How is a house built? Brick by brick. How
have you developed friendships? Over time. Does an intimate relationship
deserve any less?
5. Spend more
time courting in person rather than by email or phone. Electronic
communication has an aspect of anonymity and safety. It allows
for a false sense of closeness. If this is your primary mode of
communication, you may feel awkward with each other in person.
6. Be yourself
at all times in the dating process. Doing so allows both of you
to clearly see if the relationship will work. If you are compatible,
you will discover more things to like about each other. If you
are not compatible, you will be able to find out sooner rather
than later.
7. Be clear
from the start about how you want and don't want to be treated.
It is better to know how your new partner responds to your boundaries
and standards.
8. Be aware
of who your new partner is. At the same time, don't automatically
assume he will disappoint you in the same ways you have been disappointed
before. Give him a chance to treat you well rather than testing
to see if he will cause you pain.
9. Accept
your new partner as she is or don't engage in the relationship.
If her behavior bothers you but doesn't bother her, you can be
sure that this behavior will continue. Accept how your new partner
is now, rather than hoping for change, or get out.
10. Enjoy.
Have fun. Connect. Learn. Dating is wonderful. It's a chance to
meet new and interesting people and do fun activities. It's an
opportunity for growth. If you do it gently, without jeopardizing
your emotional well-being, it will add sparkle to your life.
Your Relationship
Coach,
Rinatta Paries
About the
Author...
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. This article was originally published
by Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter, one of many
relationship resources found at www.WhatItTakes.com.
Other highlights include relationship advice, quizzes, relationship
coaching and classes. Become a True Love Magnet(TM)!
Web Site:WhatItTakes.com
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