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Planning Your Family
Large or Small Is up To You

Many things have to be considered when it comes to figuring out how big your family should be.

The first subject is almost always the financial cost of raising children.

Can that actually be measured?

Ask some parents whose children are old enough to be independent and they will say the financial connection to your children reaches through infinity. But, believe it or not, children from large families do manage to get fed and even go to graduate school.

Most of the financial decisions my husband and I make focus on how it will affect our children. Adding to your family may mean extra work and planning, but if you enjoy your children it can be worth the extra effort.

Next is usually the "me" syndrome. Putting someone else's needs above your own is not easy to do.

Before you have children you can choose not to be in a relationship where your needs are not a focus. As a parent, this is not an option. This is clear after the first 2 AM feeding!

It's a simple equation. The larger your family, the more children you have depending on you for physical and emotional nurturing. Having four children puts quite a strain on my amount of "me" time. There is never a moment that the children are not in my thoughts and very few moments when they are not clamoring for my attention. Parents who have chosen to have large families often say that, surprisingly, the more kids you have the more love you find within your heart... there is always enough to go around.

Of all of the quandaries related to this decision, the one that stands out most for me is time management. Just trying to schedule a few minutes at bedtime is a feat. As children get older and begin sports and other activities the schedules get even crazier. With two soccer games at the same time at two different fields, cloning suddenly makes sense. Yet, even this can be worked out with the help of other parents, some creative juggling and a video camera to catch the goals you missed for replay later.

Let's switch the point of view from adult to child for a moment.

Children just want to know that they are loved. Different children experience love in different ways. Across the board, children who are asked will say that they want to spend time with Mommy or Daddy or the special people in their lives. Does the time have to be spent doing some extravagant activity? Children will most likely say no. Playing tag, hide and go seek, play wrestling, simply going to the park, going for a walk or being read to are just a handful of things that children like to do.

And never forget that in larger families, between squabbles, brothers and sisters keep each other company and provide a life long source of love and support.

If it is time to make this decision in your family, please do not think there will ever be enough money, or enough time to give to your children. No matter what size family you decide is right for you, there will always be reasons for and against having another child. There will also be plenty of people to tell you what you should do.

One eighty year old great-grandmother shared some widom with me years ago. As a young woman, she always wanted a large family. She had six children while most of her friends had much smaller families. Through all of the financial and emotional struggles while the children were growing, she often wondered if she had made the right choice.

Now, her friends with small families tell her that if they could change their decision they would. Her home is the focus of visits from her children, grown grandchildren and growing great-grandchildren. Does she still question her decision to raise six children? Never!

When all is said and done, this decision is actually made in your heart. No one else can advise you when it comes to a decision that is this personal.