Want a Successful Marriage?
you want to have a successful marriage? Sure,
we all do. But statistics tell us that the chances are pretty
good that you'll fail. And the fact is that many married
folks aren't willing to do the things necessary to have a
What are the
essential qualities of a successful marriage that will stand
the test of time?
1. Be a
thing happens when you blame your spouse. You actually get more
of the very behavior that you say you dislike. When I blame my
wife, she's quite aware that I'm blaming her. What does
she naturally do? She blames me back!
I see her
as the problem, and she sees me the same way. All over the country,
there are couples blaming each other and feeling justified in
doing it. Sadly, millions feel that being right is
more important than the health of their marriage.
spouse has never worked and never will. There are certainly times
that you can be angry with your spouse, but carrying around blame
and resentment will kill your chances for long-term success.
as a daily ritual
can't just be a word you used on your wedding day. Commitment
can be the use of specific acts that are done on a daily basis.
Commitment can be an enthusiastic welcome at the door every night,
daily acknowledgements, or spending free time with your spouse.
is shown in everyday acts that are repeated over and over. When
these acts are forgotten or neglected, they need to be re-visited
and started again. Bored? Then do it differently, change the ritual,
or just get over it! Your boredom often speaks to your inability
to find depth and meaning in everyday lifeand your ability
to handle a long-term relationship.
the Five to One Rule
scornful look, sarcastic comment, or criticism, there should be
five positive acts or interactions--a hug, a wink, or a compliment.
In the research
for his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, John Gottman
Ph.D. found that if there were at least five positive acts for
every negative one, the marriage was very likely to succeed. In
fact, it didn't matter if the negative interactions were
quite hostile, as long as the positive interactions took place.
marriages need a steady dose of kind acts and thoughts. When you
provide these to your spouse, your capacity for kindness grows
along with it.
So take stock
of your marriage. Are there any aspects of it that you'd
like to change?
A little knowledge
and a little effort can go a long way.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and
husbands. He is the author of 25 Secrets of Emotionally
see in Home Life -> Family Relationships | Marriage
More about making marriages stronger around the Web:
Success of a Marriage - Psychology Today
Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage