roasts can be as simple (and funny!) or sophisticated as you like. Of course, it only works among close friends and colleagues who have worked together for years -- and who know the guest of honor well enough to dish out a good ribbing!
following ideas serve only as a jumping-off point, and can
be incorporated either into a casual get-together or a full
blown Hollywood production.
suggestions may take some advance planning, while others can
be off-the-cuff affairs, depending how comfortable guests
are with the format.
main objective: extending invitations to good friends who
you know can give the guest of honor a good-natured retirement roast:
First, prepare a regal throne. A wheelchair, rocking chair, along with an old shawl to place gently on the 'frail'
shoulders of the guest of honor.
Have each guest to suggest a post-retirement activity, like
"Learn how to properly program that new digital camera, microwave,
Get a picture of the retiree and have it blown up and mounted
as a life-size cut out. Play a game of Pin-The-Tie On... or Pin
the Corsage On... (You might want to have a camera ready for this
Surprise them with a "This is Your Life" Party.
Depending on how well you know the guest of honor (and how much they will laugh) be inspired by some of the following famous quotes that are just right for a retirement roast:
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"There but for the grace of God, goes God." - Winston Churchill
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but... This wasn't it!" - Groucho Marx
If the retirement roast takes place in the office or conference room,, have someone skilled in PowerPoint
create a forecast of what the retiree's life will be like post-retirement.
Use pie charts with percentages of what the guest of honor will
do with all that free time.
Or, ask each guest to write down a suggestion for a leisure-time
activity, i.e., watch a lot of CNN, or catch up on those Bay
Finally, don't forget the old standby of gag gifts like hemorrhoid creme, denture adhesive, or a gift
subscription to Modern Maturity.
When all is said and done, have a oversized card (or
you can cover an entire wall with a large sheet of paper) for
guests to write down their final comments on their departure.
By this time, hopefully they will be able to express something
The result: a fond memory and a truly wonderful keepsake.