Involve Your Fiancé in 10 Easy Steps
popped the question. You've chosen a date. Now you're swimming
in a sea of euphoria with no horizons. Plans for everything
from the reception flowers and wedding cake to the dress and
honeymoon are rushing through your head.
thing, too, because there are literally a thousand things to
arrange before the big day...
You do the
planning research, buckle under and dive in. But you find your
future groom's ardor for the event itself seems to have cooled.
that he isn't mad about marrying you; after all, he is a great
guy, even if he can't tell a Vera Wang from a Gunny Sack. It's
that his preparation style is hands-off, to say the least. The
whole wedding has become your thing ... but planning a wedding
isn't a job built for one.
to do? Here are ten ways to involve him without increasing both
of your stress loads.
areas that have a prayer of interesting him.
thing you can do is expect him to match a lifetime of feminine wisdom on the relative merits of buttercream vs.
fondant or yellow roses vs. white roses.
2) If you ask him to help you choose vendors and styles, narrow
down the choices first.
It's a jungle
of options out there, enough to give the most natural-born party
planner pause. So if you want his opinion on photographers,
or cakes, narrow down the options to three or four. He's less
likely to feel overwhelmed, and more likely to feel like an
important part of the process.
it'll feel so good to share the load that you'll be tempted
to drag him into the buttercream debate despite your better
instincts. At these times, take a deep breath, count to ten,
and call your mother or your maid of honor.
3) Ask him
directly for help.
Let him know how important his input is to
you, and that you can't do it without him. Guys like
to be needed. Your frank request for help may be enough to pull
him out of his comfort zone and onto your team.
4) Try the
Art Director/Production Staff approach.
If you think
your guy wants to help, but feels uncomfortable playing "art
director," give him "production staff" tasks.
Have him make the payments, pick up the food or decor, handle
the rentals, do online comparison
shopping, or reserve the hotels
halls. These are all jobs that will take a load off your
shoulders, while freeing up time for the aesthetic stuff you
probably enjoy and he doesn't.
5) Get a
calendar organizer and put all the planning in black and white.
probably doesn't have the first clue in what goes into a wedding.
Get out your wedding
organizer, write it all down, and show him. Once he gets
over the shock, you'll both probably be able to identify areas
that interest him. Make lists of the things you've each agreed
to do, and cross them off as they get done. At the very least,
he'll be far more supportive when he sees what you're going
his family heritage/ethnicity/traditions into the ceremony.
his parents do? He might be surprised at the question, but it
could lead somewhere valuable. He might ask his parents about
their wedding, and find your wedding consequently enriched.
Look through their wedding album together. Are his ancestors
German, Polish, Italian, Jewish, Croatian, Asian? Incorporate some old-world
traditions into your ceremony.
bring him in too early.
groom-to-be as a bit of a pinch hitter. Sure, you may be fully
aware that you can shave 5K off your costs by starting your
favor crafts and reservations 18 months ahead of time. But if
he's like most guys, the wedding won't become real to him until
it draws closer. Expect him to jump in about six months before
the actual ceremony, and break into a (relative) frenzy of activity
about one month in advance.
about something besides the wedding.
the only ones who complain about brides-to-be talking of nothing
but upcoming nuptials. Sometimes, even girlfriends get overwhelmed
by all the wedding chatter.
time alone chatting about anything but the wedding. See a silly
movie, split a hot fudge sundae, or watch a basketball game.
Do something spontaneous that reminds you both of why you decided
to marry in the first place.
your subtext for hidden meanings.
as it might be, make sure you're not using your fiancé
as a coin-toss tool (ever noticed how people flip coins to find
out what they really want?). When you ask for his opinion, take
it seriously. And when you give him ownership of a task, don't
second-guess every step.
that your fiancé has told you he's going to draft a dream
team in his fantasy football league, and it's going to cost
him $20K to participate. Now imagine that he's told you your
help is supremely important to him.
a little hesitant to give opinions, right? Some of your ideas
might sound feeble, even to your own ears. Hopefully he'd welcome
your thoughts, however odd it felt for you to venture them.
Now imagine your fiancé feels kind of like that when
it comes to the wedding.
that men become wedding experts by having one.
are, your sweetheart will open his eyes to the wonder of a wedding
by the time the rose petals are tossed. Forever after, he'll
be examining friend's receptions with a practiced eye, and anticipating
the next excuse for a Really Big Shindig.
him around, and count on throwing a first-rate anniversary celebration
ten years down the road. In a way, that'll be the party that
really matters, won't it?
is the proprietor of Just Wedding Favors: http://www.just-wedding-favors.com