Single on Valentine's Day
A Survival Guide
Day -- a day of exchanging flowers, cards, and loving sentiments
punctuated with warm feelings of admiration, affection, and infatuation.
But for millions of Americans, there is one thing preventing them
from participating in these celebratory acts of love: a date.
on Valentine's Day can evoke feelings of loneliness and self-doubt,
especially for those who are believers in the mythology of true
love. Embedded midway through the frosty season of winter, it
is portrayed in the media, particularly in relentless flower,
fragrance, and jewelry advertising, as the singular day of year
set aside for love, romance, and passion.
But what is
a person to do when he or she is feeling the chilling blues of
being single instead of embracing the fiery desire of love?
S. Brown, professor of psychology at Argosy University/Seattle,
offers tips on how single guys and gals can celebrate Cupid's
Day, instead of being defeated by it. Love is not about
a particular day, or about cards, flowers, or even being in a
relationship. The illusion that coupled people are happy and well-loved
can feed feelings of loneliness or isolation for people who aren't
with someone, and wish they were, says Brown. Seeing
the illusory nature of this holiday can be the first step in feeling
better about being precisely who and where you are.
to Brown, the most important message that singles should remember
on Valentine's Day is that love is not just for couples;
it is for all of us.
are more ways that single men and women can enjoy Valentine's
Day without worrying about the pressures and pitfalls that often
come with the holiday:
1. Do not
define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship
status is not your identity.
2. If you
are single because of a recent loss, allow this to be a day of
grieving. Do not pretend that it's not a hard day. Get support
that Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about
love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and
diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.
4. Plan well
in advance to do something that will not place you in the path
of billing and cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining
out alone, do something else on Valentine's Day.
5. Get together
with people who do love you -- friends, family members, the people
who already have relationships with you.
6. If you
are single and you don't want to be, start now to think about
what is in the way of you creating the relationship you want.
Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would
fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Begin to volunteer.
Create art. Make meaning. Act to change the world. It is into
the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.
7. If you
are single and you like it, now is the time to affirm your choice.
People who never marry or partner have close, loving, emotionally
intimate relationships and lives worth living. Do not let a couple-driven
culture define your choice as something wrong.
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