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The Truth About Motherhood

What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when I was pregnant, experienced mothers could not stop giving me advice on delivery expectations, taking care of newborns, and child care solutions.

Yet, no mother ever told me how dreadful postpartum depression could be, how much my world would change, how one person can bring so much to my life.

I am taking this opportunity to share with expectant and first time mothers the truth about motherhood:

• You will never love another being as much as your child.

  "Once your child learns how to tell time, you can't get away with anything..."

• Wet kisses, hugs and snuggles really do make you feel better.

• You might not automatically bond with your new baby.

• .You will feel like a failure some days

• There are days when you are on the edge of losing it.

• You will always do more than your share in the family.

• There are days when you don't remember what you did for the day.

• Having someone constantly depend on you can sometimes be daunting.

• You sometimes feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from your children.

• You worry about them whenever they are not with you.
  
  

• If you don't hear any noise coming from your child's room, mischief is going on.

• You believe no one else can take care of your child better than you.

• You cannot wait until you can go out and have fun, then you spend the time worrying about your child.

• You look at supermoms with pity, admiration, envy, fill in the ______.

• You start to drink juice boxes, eat Goldfish crackers, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, popsicles, and Cheerios because that's mostly what is in your house.

• You develop a love/hate relationship with McDonalds, Chuckie Cheese, Toys R Us and Disney World.

• You seem to always end up at McDonalds.

• People without children always seem to give unsolicited advice.

• Once your child learns how to tell time, you can't get away with anything.

• "You are secretly relieved when another child has a meltdown in public."

  You will seldom eat a hot meal.

• You learn to shop for your clothes in less than an hour.

• You really appreciate malls.

• You schedule play dates with parents you've just met.

• You'll laugh more than you'll cry.

• You will seldom have a dull moment.

• Your sleep patterns change constantly.

• When your children are asleep, you forget all they have done to upset you for the day.

• You wish you can change your name from "MOMMY!" to "Daddy".

• You learn to drive with one hand and open a juice box or snack with the other.

• You begin to watch what you say or do around your children.
  
  

• You cannot have a phone conversation without interruptions.

• You meet moms who always compare their child to yours.

• You are secretly relieved when another child has a meltdown in public.

• No one can prepare you for a public temper tantrum.

• You get annoyed when you mention something your child does to another mom who responds, " I don't know, my child never does that." (Her child does it, she just doesn't want to admit it.)

• You realize you don't know very much, when you are asked questions like, "What does God look like?"

• You start to love or hate Barney, Boobah, Teletubbies, Sesame Street, Clifford, Caillou, Sponge Bob, Pokemon, Barbie.

• There are too many children's birthday parties in one school year.

• Your days will be filled with surprises like missing keys, stickers on your favorite pocket book, drawings on your favorite book, writing on your wall, soda in your shampoo bottle, or Cheerios in your shoes.

• Sex is on your To Do List.

• You have memorized the menu at every kid-friendly restaurant.

• Chaos is a close, personal friend.

• You dread parent teacher conferences.

• You dread Monday mornings.

• Your child's social calendar will be more full than yours.

• You wish you could leave your children with their teacher for a weekend, and let her see what you go through.

• Your name becomes "Tommy's Mommy."

• You want to tell that bragging parent to "Shut Up!"

• You worry about what type of adult your child will grow up to be.
  

  "You can understand how other parents become alcoholics."

  
  

• You feel a mother's pain when a child dies.

• If your child is missing for 5 minutes, it feels like 5 hours.

• Fevers are scary.

• You appreciate the innocence, the drama, the conflicts, the disagreements, the laughter when your children are sick.

• You won't always make the best decisions.

• You can understand how other parents become alcoholics.

• You will have every cold medicine in every flavor in your house.

• A quiet dinner for one or two happens every 6 months.

• As much as you appreciate the peace and quiet, you secretly miss the noise and chaos.